Waiting
by Aubrey Enox
Summary: Drabble after June 2nd porch scene where Olivia tells Natalia it's not an ultimatum but something to think about. Title is from Sugar Ray-Waiting.
1. Waiting

Waiting

Miscommunications, missteps and over thinking force Olivia and Natalia to hesitantly keep their distance but they just can't help but wait. Title is from Sugar Ray-Waiting.

Olivia sat in the car for a moment, fighting back tears that were threatening to turn her into a blubbering mess. She wiped at the corners of her eyes, careful not to smudge her make up as she looked at her reflection in the rear view mirror. _You did the right thing. She needs her space and she needs to know that you care about her and her relationship with Rafe even at the expense of your own relationship. What relationship? We haven't done anything more than stand extremely close to each other, hold hands and stare holes into each other. _She sighed. The old cynic was waking up inside of her, stretching her arms, yawning and preparing to lower the temperature of her internal thermostat to zero. She started the car and pulled out of the driveway, her eyes staring straight ahead, careful to not look in the rear view mirror and see Natalia still standing on the porch, clutching her bag to her chest, watching. _It's fine. It's fine. She needs the time and space._

_She said no. She said no to coming inside._ Natalia opened the front door and stood in the entryway. Her face was the picture of as she placed her bag on the table and slid her jacket off. She blinked furiously, forcing tears back as she tried to calm herself down. Rafe would be home soon and she couldn't afford to have him see her like this because it would mean she would have to answer questions and to answer those questions, she needed to actually _have_ answers. She ran her hands through her hair, breathing slowly as she tied it back into a ponytail and made her way to the kitchen. _She wants to give me space to make sure that Rafe and I are okay. She said I'm worth the wait._ Her heart fluttered at the idea. _But what is she waiting for? To move back in? She wasn't in a rush for that, she said that she was fine with bringing Emma for dinners and visits._ Natalia stood in front of the refridgerator, her right hand on her hip, left hand holding the door open as she contemplated her situation and dinner. Her eyebrows were pulled close together as she pulled out chicken cutlets. _Unless…_she stopped in her tracks, an invisible a-ha light bulb appearing overhead. _She wants to kiss me. She wants more than just hand holding and standing close to me. I want that too. More than I thought I would._ She pulled out some pans and the cutting board to dice up vegetables, trying to focus on the task at hand and not the overwhelming sense of disappointment that was starting to settle into her bones. _What if I'm terrible at it? A kiss is a kiss but it's not just a kiss when you have your heart pounding at a mile a minute and everything that makes you _you_ is in that kiss. What if she's not as enthusiastic about it? Or if she's disappointed by the entire experience and regrets everything? _Natalia closed her eyes for a moment, seeing Olivia's face behind her eyelids, smiling at her, assuring her that she was going to be patient and wait. _I wasn't an ultimatum, she told me it wasn't and I believe her. She wants to wait. I want to wait but how long is she willing to hold on?_

Olivia let herself into the apartment and silently thanked God that no one was home. Emma was on a play date and wouldn't be home until bedtime; Rachel's parents promised to feed her at their place so dinner would be covered. She walked over to the bed flopped face down on the bed and groaned into the covers. A distant drone in her purse pulled her from her doldrums. She pushed up onto her elbows as she rummaged through the bag for her cell phone, the drone sounding more like a plea for help than a ring. She found it and smiled at the name and number.

Natalia.

"I think you called me in 6 minutes." Olivia joked, rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling. She felt like a teenager again.

"No, I'm pretty sure it was 5." Natalia said, her smile practically beaming from her end of the phone to Olivia's. "How was your drive?"

_You're always so fascinated by the trivial things._ "Fine. I got here in one piece didn't I?"

"Olivia." Natalia chastised. "I told you about things like that."

"Like what?" Olivia pressed, sitting up in bed and kicking her shoes off. "Like sounding like you have a death wish."

"I'm not Charles Bronson." Olivia deadpanned.

Natalia puttered around the kitchen, her cell phone pinched between her ear and shoulder as she filled a bowl with potatoes. She sighed heavily as she placed the bowl on the counter and bit her bottom lip.

"What're you doing?" Olivia asked.

"Cooking. I told you to stay." Natalia replied in a smug tone.

"No, you were offering coffee, you said nothing about dinner." Olivia teased. _I miss your cooking. I miss you kicking me out of the kitchen when you catch me stealing bits of food. _

"Well it was kinda attached when I offered you some coffee." Natalia answered simply, slicing the potatoes expertly.

"Was not." Olivia answered pouting as she leaned against the headboard. "And I told you I'm not coming over unless you invite me in."

"What are you a vampire?" Natalia joked, dropping a potato into the boiling water.

"I've been called worse." The right corner of Olivia's mouth tugged into a frown. _I feel like I'm going to be called worse the more patience I lose. Or gain. Whatever. _"Besides, you and Rafe need some family time together. He's going through a tough spot and the only person that can help him out is you."

"Well. He has Frank." Natalia replied, her usually sweet and optimistic voice sounding sour.

"Course he does."

Natalia stopped what she was doing and held the phone to her ear with her right hand, watching everything simmer, bubble and steam. "I know you don't like it."

"Like what?" _Play dumb._

"Frank being in Rafe's life."

"Rafe isn't my son, Natalia." _That sounded colder than I meant._

Natalia bit back her words. She stirred the potatoes as they bubbled in the water, adding salt and covering the pot. She could hear Olivia breathing on the other end and the gears in her head working as she thought of a way to dig herself out of the mess. "I've got to go, I have a lot of pots here." She hung up before Olivia could answer. _God, what am I supposed to do? _

Olivia stared at the phone flabbergasted. She shut her eyes tight and fighting the urge to hurl her phone across the room in a fit. She sighed heavily and placed it on the nightstand, hoping that wasn't the last phone call of the night.

Natalia let her aggression out on an unfortunate pile of potatoes, smashing them until they were, well, mashed. She heard the kitchen door open slowly as Rafe entered and sat down at the kitchen table. "Hey ma." he said simply, placing Gus' badge and his Springfield P.D applications on the table, arranging them absently.

"Hi baby." she said, crossing the floor to her son, giving him a kiss on top of his head. "Where were you? I was looking everywhere for you…" she hoped the worried look in her eyes she had over Olivia and their situation translated to the worry she had for Rafe.

"I was out." he answered simply, avoiding her eyes. Natalia bit the inside of her cheek and returned to the stove quietly.

"I'm making chicken, mashed potatoes and vegetables. I hope you're hungry." she offered, a hopeful smile on her face.

"I'm fine ma." Rafe answered, standing up and heading to the fridge. He pulled out a bottle of water and closed the door. He watched her intently for a moment, taking a deep drink of water. She had a disappointed look on her face as she removed a piece of chicken from the pan and placed it on a waiting plate. He reached over and took the plate, returning to his seat. He didn't see her smile.

They sat together in silence for a moment. Rafe still ate like he was in prison, hunched over his plate, his left arm protecting it while shoveling with his right. Natalia didn't say a word as she watched him eat, grateful that he hadn't gone up to his room for dinner. _Olivia's right. He's not a boy anymore. He's a man and I don't know what to do about it. Is it normal to see your child no matter how old they are as still the little baby you took care of? _She gave him a small smile when he glanced up at her, a twinge of embarrassment in his features. "Sorry ma…bad habit." he straightened up in his seat and slowed down, mindful of his mother's watchful eye.

"It's fine. I'm just glad you're eating." she answered simply, taking a sip of water. "How did you spend the day?" _I know he's not going to tell me about the conversation with Olivia._

"Job hunting." he answered simply. "I'm going to find a way into the police department somehow, just have to wait."

Natalia nodded. "Olivia has some positions open if you're interested."

Rafe cut her a look before swallowing his rude comment. "I don't think the hotel thing is going to work for me."

"Why not?"

"Because it's a handout, Ma. She's your boss, of course she's going to want to _offer_ me a job. I don't want to owe her anything."

"And you're willing to owe Alan something?" Natalia heard Olivia's voice in her own tone. She softened her tone before continuing. "You wouldn't owe Olivia anything and believe it or not, she's much different now."

"I'm sure."

"A lot of things have happened since you've been gone, Rafe. Everyone changes."

He eyed his mother intently, chewing as she gave him a tight-lipped smile, her shoulders squared and jaw set.

"I'm not the same person I was when we first moved here. Or when you went away. I've grown up."

"So have I, Ma."

"Well there you go. Why is it so impossible to believe that Olivia just wants to help you the way everyone else here wants to help you?"

Rafe licked his lips, leaning back in his chair and cocking his head to the side. "I just want to do things my way, ma, okay?" he sighed and wiped his mouth with a napkin, taking his plate and standing up. "Thanks for dinner." He gave her a small half hug with his free hand and put the plate in the sink. She sat and finished her meal in silence, downtrodden that she couldn't say those simple words. _I'm in love with Olivia._

Olivia wiped down the steamed up bathroom mirror with her right hand and watched her face appear. She looked tired. She felt tired but she also felt empowered because she laid her cards out on the table. _Natalia knows what I want and knows that I'm willing to take my time with this, whatever this is. She knows that I want her now I want her to want me. _Shetoweled off her hair, hoping that the icy chill that was dancing around the corners of her heart wouldn't find a way in.

Clad in her sweats and a t-shert, Olivia stared at the phone as it sat within reach of her right hand as she worked at her desk. She sighed as she watched the clock tick away another minute without so much as a text message from Natalia. _What was I thinking? Rafe isn't my son, he's not my responsibility but he's being such a little turd and Natalia is my responsibility. Wait. No she's not. She's her own person but I feel protective of her. Rafe isn't an obstacle, he's her son and kids aren't pawns, I of all people should know that. _She bit the top of her pen and chewed thoughtfully as the numbers and words blurred together into an illegible mess. _I can't concentrate._ She closed up the sheets in their folders and picked up her phone, returning to the bedroom, Natalia's number cued up on speed dial. There was a knock on the door and Olivia's heart leapt to her throat. _Speak of the devil…_She checked her hair and slipped the phone into her pocket before answering the door.

Emma stood with Rachel's mom, Laura, smiles on their faces.

"Jellybean!" Olivia greeted, stooping to pull Emma into a hug. "Thanks for taking care of her, it's been a really hectic week." Emma ran into her room to take her backpack off.

"Not a problem, she's a treat." Laura replied. "Have a good night."

"Thanks you too." Olivia closed the door and exhaled heavily. "Alright you, brush your teeth, a story and then bed!"

Olivia padded around the apartment, careful not to make too much noise. She turned out the lights, leaving only the nightstand light and TV on. She locked the door and slid the chain on, saddened she wouldn't get a visit from Natalia but knowing that it was probably for the best. _But not by very much._ She climbed into bed settling on top of the covers, leaning against the headboard and flipping trough channels. The cell phone sat on the nightstand.

Natalia said good night to Rafe and closed the door soundlessly behind her. She padded down the stairs to the second level she had given Rafe the attic, figuring he would want his privacy but she felt like he might as well be in the middle of the field. She passed Olivia's old bedroom and Emma's on her way to her own room, the doors closed as if they were haunted. She switched on the light in her bedroom and changed into her pjs. She washed her face and brushed her teeth, trying to focus on the tasks and not on the way that Olivia had spoken to her. _He's your son Natalia._ She frowned as she felt like this wait and see game was turning into a wait and leave game. She switched off the light to the bathroom and padded towards the bed, her cell phone sitting in the center of bedspread.

No missed calls.

_She doesn't plan on calling me tonight. She's serious about this, about my having to make the first move. What is the first move? I never had this problem with Gus or Remy or even Frank. Then again, those are typically normal relationships, we weren't really _friends_ the way Olivia and I are friends. Best friends. Friends who have apparently fallen very deeply in love. _She sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the beaten up cover of The Bible as it sat surrounded by photos of herself, Olivia, Emma and herself with Rafe. She flipped it open and went bible dipping for answers. She smiled when her finger stopped at 1 Corinthians 13:4. "Love is patient, love is kind love is never arrogant with pride nor is she conceited." She cast a look at the phone as it lay silent on the bedspread.

Olivia was half asleep when the phone brrpt on the nightstand. She mumbled sleepily as she reached for the phone and bleary eyed looked at the screen. "Hello."

"I get what you're doing." Natalia said simply. She sat in her bed, the blankets gathered up at her waist.

"What am I doing?" Olivia muttered as she straightened up in bed and wiped the last traces of sleep from her eyes.

"You're telling me that you're ready and willing to wait and it's a test for you, since you're so used to getting what you want."

Olivia chuckled. "Okay…"

"And I know it's hard for you because…" _Don't wuss out now._ "Because you want me and don't know why."

Olivia's eyebrows went up in interest. "Really?"

"Yes." Natalia answered matter of factly. "You're contending with a lot of feelings you've never had before."

"Like what?"

"Patience and love." Natalia prayed she wasn't overstepping her boundaries with what she was saying. _Who am I kidding, if I don't do something now, we both might just live the rest of our lives filled with what ifs and whys._ "You're going to do it because you love me."

"I do."

Natalia's heart skipped. "I love you."

"And that's why I'm waiting. I know it's worth the wait, I know you're worth it and all of this is just dressing. You know, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Natalia blushed. "I couldn't tell him. Not yet."

"I don't expect you to. It's not something you just blurt out."

"Why does it feel like it is? Why does it feel like we should just be able to just say it."

"Say what?"

"That we're together."

"Are we?"

Natalia hadn't thought of that, she brought her knees to her chest and propped her chin on her right knee. "Well, you're not seeing anyone else are you?"

"No. Just you."

"So, we're being together. We just have to find a way to say that."

"We have to figure out how to be it." Olivia sank into her pillow, imagining having this conversation with Natalia. _Maybe not in bed, but in person, quiet, just the two of us._ "Once we get that settled, then the rest should fall into place."

Natalia nodded, remembering that Olivia couldn't see her. "I know." She sighed. _I just want to kiss you again._ "How was the rest of your night?"

"Emma came home, told me about the play date she had. We did the bedtime thing and here I am. Laura dropped her off though. Usually they just send her upstairs."

"Rachel's mom? Really?"

"I think she wanted to see the place." _Or see if you'd be running around in lingerie._

"People are strange." Natalia mused.

"How was dinner?"

"Fine. Rafe actually, he, uh sat with me for dinner. He's having such a hard time with everything."

_Who isn't?_ "He didn't say anything about the jobs."

"He wants to do it himself."

"Oh." _I'm not surprised. "_Well, the offer stands. Ashley's looking for something too, so if he's officially turning them down…I can't not hire someone else who's willing to do the work."

"I know. Thank you for trying Olivia."

Olivia bit her lip. "I'm sorry. About earlier. I know I'm overstepping my boundaries a little bit. That's why I'm backing off, so you have time and you can figure out what it is you want. You have so many things that are taking up your time and I just, I guess, I just got jealous that you were doting on Rafe and trying to do everything for him and not thinking about what's right for you."

"What is right for me?"

"Happiness. Your right to be happy."

Natalia nodded absently.

"I'm going to wait. It's not going to be easy but…"

"Nothing good is ever easy."

They sat in silence for a moment before Olivia heard the sound of Natalia switching off her lamp and snuggling into the sheets. Natalia yawned and adjusted the phone at her ear. "Still there?"

"Always." Olivia replied, switching off her own lamp and sliding back into the pillows.

"I am happy, you know." Natalia murmured sleepily. "You always manage to make me happy."

Olivia listened to her breathing as it evened out, she was falling asleep. The sound of her steady breathing lulling like beach waves to Olivia's ears. She lay on her side, listening to the sound of Natalia's steady breathing, waiting to join her in dreamland.


	2. Wishing and Hoping

Wishing and Hoping

More schlock. Trying to move them out of neutral but damn if this isn't a pleasant water torture. Title comes from Dusty Springfield's-Wishing and Hoping.

The sunlight filtered in through the blinds, leaving zebra stripes of sunlight across Natalia as she lay curled up in bed, the cell phone laying just in the crook of her right arm. She groaned and shifted under the covers, turning her face away from the sun. She snuggled deeper into the blankets, the sands of sleep dusting off her shoulders with each movement until she lay in bed, wistfully thinking about the conversation she had with Olivia last night. _She can wait. I wouldn't make her wait forever just long enough for me to find my step._ She sighed and glanced at the clock as it stared off back at her, it was a little after 9 in the morning. She pushed up on her palms and looked around the room, remembering that Rafe was home and chastising herself for sleeping in, even if it was only for a few minutes. She rolled onto her back and felt the phone tumble against her body. She grabbed it and saw it was dead.

_I think we fell asleep on the phone..._There was only one way to find out.

She climbed out of bed, searching for her charger. She found it and plugged it before going on her morning routine. Freshly showered, she dressed and made her way upstairs to Rafe's bedroom. She knocked twice and waited for an answer. "Rafe?" she called through the door, her hand braced on the knob, trying to not force her way into the room. "Rafe? Are you there?" she hesitated. She decided against opening the door and instead returned downstairs. She made her way to the kitchen and found a note was left on the fridge door.

"Out for a run.- Rafe" it read simply. She sighed. It was too late for Olivia to come over with Emma for breakfast. _Olivia. _She reached for the house phone and dialed Olivia's number.

Olivia had a hard time functioning without her cell phone. Or Natalia but more the cell phone at the moment, even if the brunette was a VERY close second. She dropped off Emma at school, the phone charging in the cigarette burner. She wasn't sure where she should drive to because work was of the utmost importance but she wasn't in a rush to go back to The Beacon just yet. _You have to be patient, Ollie._ She reminded herself, using the nickname Dinah had given her as a joke. You left the door open, she has to be the one to walk through it. She found it difficult to fight against her WANT TAKE HAVE nature but with something as rewarding as Natalia, she was more than willing to make the effort, despite all the difficulties that still lay ahead. _People running their mouths is just par for the course._ She sighed heavily. _Seriously, I'm going to snap with all this angst._

Brrpt! Olivia looked down at her phone as it bounced around in the cupholder. Natalia.

"Hey you." Olivia said cooly, sliding back in the drivers seat. The car sat in the parking lot of Emma's school thanks to Olivia's inability to will herself to go somewhere else. "I was thinking about you."

"Good things I hope?" Natalia said with a smile. She stood in the kitchen, her back leaning against the counter, her left hand cradling the phone, a mug of coffee in her right.

"I don't think about anything else..." Olivia replied, cheeks blushing.

Natalia was at a loss for words. She took a sip of coffee and smiled. "What're you up to?"

"Right now? Sitting in the car."

"Oh." _Opportunity knocks._ "Doing anything special?"

Olivia's blush went from pink to magenta. "No. Have something in mind?"

"Well, my kitchen is open, if you haven't had breakfast that is."

Olivia's stomach rumbled. "That sounded like an invitation."

"Would you prefer a formal invitation?"

"Humor me."

"Ms. Spencer, are you available for brunch?"

"I'm available."

"Okay. So. I'll see you soon?" Natalia couldn't stop smiling.

I'm going to violate every single traffic law. "You sure will."

Music filled the kitchen as Natalia bustled around whipping the pancake batter in a large bowl. She let her hand hover over the griddle and began to ladle it on. Okay, so I got the courage to ask her over, that's one small hurdle. I still have no idea what to expect though, or what she expects. I have to learn to let go and just feel but all I feel is nervous. She flipped over one pancake and readied her spatula for a second when she heard a knock on the kitchen door. She turned and saw Olivia standing outside, breathing into the palm of her hand and checking her breath. _That's smooth._ Natalia flipped over the three pancakes before crossing to the door and opening it. Olivia floated in with the breeze and immediately pulled Natalia to her in a hug. Natalia felt her knees give slightly as her arms easily found a place around Olivia's neck. "Hi" she breathed dreamily.

"Hi." Olivia replied, her mouth near Natalia's ear. "Whatcha making?"

"Breakfast." Natalia said, unwrapping herself from Olivia and returning to the stove just in time to save the pancakes from burning.

Olivia looked around the kitchen expectantly before sitting down at the table. She knew better than to offer help in Natalia's kitchen. "Is Rafe home?"

Natalia frowned as she prepared Olivia's plate with food. "No, he went out early for a run." she turned and walked the plate over to Olivia, whose eyes rolled out of her head at the sight of the meal. "Coffee or juice?" Natalia asked pleasantly, her time in the service industry shining through.

"Coffee's fine." Olivia replied. She watched as Natalia brought over the coffee pot and poured Olivia a mugful. She watched Natalia serve herself some orange juice, grab her plate and sit across from her, a smile on her face. "Thanks for inviting me over." she said, spearing eggs. "I always feel like we bond over food."

Natalia blushed. "Well they say the way to the heart is through the stomach."

"You're gonna kill me."

"What?! How?"

Olivia puffed out her cheeks and widened her eyes. "I'm gonna look like the Stay Puff Marshmallow man. Besides, its not like you need me around for my rent money anymore..."

Natalia made a face. "I need you around for other reasons."

Olivia raised an eyebrow in interest. "Really."

Natalia nodded emphatically. She reached out her left hand and took hold of Olivia's, holding eye contact. "I kinda got used to you." They sat in silence, holding hands casually, somehow feeding themselves with a free hand. "I have a random question."

"Let's hear it."

Casual. Just ask the question casually, like you're asking for directions or something. "Last night on the phone..."

"Mhm."

"Did I hang up?"

Olivia thought for a moment, replaying last night in her mind. She remembered Natalia moving around in bed, mumbling about happiness and falling asleep. She grinned. "You fell asleep."

"I did." Natalia replied with a nod. "I thought I had but I wasn't sure. I woke up with my cell phone under me this morning and I wasn't sure."

"I didn't mind. It was kinda cute."

"What? Me snoring?"

"You don't snore, you kinda do this thing where it sounds like you're humming. Or purring. Maybe it's my phone." Olivia replied sheepishly, hiding her face behind her coffee mug.

"You fell asleep on the phone too?"

"Well, yeah, I didn't want to be rude...."

"Rude? I was the one asleep on the phone!" Natalia giggled, squeezing Olivia's hand.

"And it was very cute..." Olivia said with a shrug.

Olivia finished the meal and cleared both their plates. She chuckled to herself at how easy it was to fall into a routine with Natalia. Natalia stayed at the table, fiening interest in the headlines while stealing glances at Olivia's back. We click. We're not even in the same house and still, we make sense on some strange level. Olivia ran the water and started washing the dishes when she heard the kitchen door open and Rafe burst inside. Olivia turned, plate in hand to greet Rafe, only to get a sharp look from the teenager. Natalia was shaken from her reverie and spied Rafe's dirty look. "Hi honey" she greeted, standing up and attempting to shield Olivia from the daggers her son was obviously firing at her. "How was your run?"

"Fine." he replied, slipping out of his warm up sweatshirt and hanging it on the nearby hook.

"Are you hungry?" Natalia asked, turning the stove back on and preparing another batch of pancakes.

"Yeah." he replied with a shrug, taking the paper and flipping to the back for the jobs section.

_Maybe this won't be so bad._ Natalia thought as she cooked and Olivia finished the dishes. She saw Olivia towel one dry and bring to Natalia, her fingertips avoiding contact with her own. She took the plate and breathed a silent thank you to Olivia who moved quickly to the hook to take her jacket. "I'm gonna go." she whispered. _Okay maybe it IS that bad_. She loaded the plate with breakfast and placed it before Rafe whose 'thank you' was mumbled into the newspaper. He looks like his father. She looked up at Olivia who had noiselessly slipped on her jacket and untucked her hair from the collar, a small smile on her face. "Leaving already?" she asked, doing a poor job of hiding her disappointment.

"Yeah." Olivia cast her eyes at Rafe's back. "You've got much better company."

Natalia kissed the top of Rafe's head and walked towards the front of the house, out of his earshot. Olivia followed, quietly. "Take care, Rafe." she said with a tight lipped expression.

"Thanks." Rafe replied with a nod.

Natalia was sitting on the glider waiting on the front porch, their usual spot for heart to heart conversations. She had her hands jammed into the pockets of a black hoodie she wore over her jeans and long sleeve shirt. She hoped summer would hurry up, these spring time cold snaps were driving her nuts. She's upset. I know she is but this is how it is for the meantime. I have the courage I just need the words. And timing. Maybe a break. Okay. I need timing, courage, heart and a lucky break. I need to get the farmhouse caught in a tornado or something...

She didn't hear Olivia approach her and sit down, closer than they usually sat on the bench. "Hey." she said, her voice warm on Natalia's chilled ear.

"Hi." she beamed again, the clouds of doubt widening slightly. "So, are you going to The Beacon?" Casual. Just act casual.

"Where else would I go?"

Natalia's hands fidgeted in their respective pockets as she stared out into the front yard. "I'm sorry if it feels strange." she blurted out, casting her eyes down at the gravel that made up the driveway. "I don't want it to feel so strange, it's just the way it is right now."

"I know. I'm not rushing."

"It's just...well...with Emma it seems easier because like you said, she already knew we belonged together before we did...but Rafe..."

"Natalia. All I'm asking is that we find the right words to say, the right things to do and the right way to make this happen. I know it feels real and it is real but to find out what it means is to really make a statement. I know what you mean to me, I just want to make sure we're on the same level."

Natalia found herself drowning in Olivia's eyes, keeping herself afloat in the words. So she does want to make this real. She leaned closer to Olivia, her hands slipping out of the pockets and pulled Olivia towards her. She wanted to kiss her deeply, to make her feel the way she was feeling at the moment and make the world disappear. She shivered as Olivia met her halfway, their arms wrapping around the other. Just do it already! She's waiting. Natalia's face found the crook of Olivia's neck. She brushed her lips against the exposed skin and marveled at the softness and warmth. She stayed still, feeling Olivia's hand at the small of her back, feeling her pulse racing underneath her lips. She closed her eyes, enjoying the moment before she heard a yell somewhere deep in the house.

"MA!"

She let go suddenly, leaping up and apologizing profusely with her eyes. She pulled open the screen door just as Rafe was opening the front door. "It's Frank." he said, covering the phone with his hand. "I'm gonna meet him up in a bit. He's going apartment hunting."

"Apartment hunting?" Natalia breathed. "Sure, yeah."

"Frank? Yeah. I'll meet you up..." the rest of his conversation was cut off as he re-entered the house, leaving Natalia in the doorway. She looked at Olivia through the screen door.

"He's taking his job seriously." Olivia mused, standing up. She seemed rooted to her spot.

"It means you don't have to go..." Natalia offered.

"Yeah but I have things to do so..."

"I'll call you for dinner...if you're available."

"I'll pencil you in."


	3. When It Rains

When It Rains

After Rafe busts Olivia and Natalia in the middle of something innocuous, Olivia fears that the ground they crossed is going to disappear. Title is from Paramore-When It Rains.

Olivia was certain that Natalia could hear her heart shattering in her chest, the fragments clinking inside her and rattling as she busied herself with the opposite end of the table, folding the table cloth and staring at Natalia as she absently did the same. She knew it was going to come to this, all the idealism that had colored her world a brilliant shade of happy had to have a big nasty storm cloud over it to wash out all of it, making it gray, dull and dead. _Just like this. Over before it started._ She could tell that Natalia was just as upset as she was but more for her carelessness and inability to SAY what she had to say when the moment presented itself rather than the fact that they weren't doing anything that could provoke Rafe the way it did. _Then again, the last time he saw his mother close to someone it was Frank, not me. _She shoved her hands in her jean pockets and fought the urge to not turn heel and run while she still had some dignity left.

Natalia scrutinized Olivia intently; watching her as she absently tossed the edges of the tablecloth onto the top of the bed and stared at everything that wasn't her. _Please look at me. Tell me it's going to be okay._ _Please tell me it's going to work out and he'll understand and that this is going to just make us stronger._ Olivia's eyes caught Natalia's, holding them the way she had held her on the porch what felt like forever ago. Natalia suddenly felt transparent in her emotions and she looked away quickly, guilt stamped on her face. She took Olivia's poorly folded end of the tablecloth at the corners and met her corners, folding it haphazardly into a square and tossing it into the empty ice bucket. Olivia's hands were instantly crammed into her pockets as she watched Natalia collect the remains of the failed celebration picnic and walk soundlessly into the house. She bit her lower lip and stared out at the yard, watching the trees sway in the breeze and wondering how fast she could get the car started without Natalia noticing. As if on cue, Natalia stepped back onto the porch, wrapping her shawl tighter around her protecting her from a non existent chill. Olivia turned on her heel and stared up at Natalia as she stood in the doorway, her eyes watery. They stood in their spots as though they'd grown roots in the time they'd spent cleaning up.

"Well." Olivia managed her voice cracking as she spoke. "I'm going to get out of here…"

"Wait." Natalia replied, taking a step from the door, her hand held out as if using The Force would hold Olivia in her place. She came down the stairs and stood a few feet away from Olivia, her hands wrapped around her tight. "Aren't we going to talk about this…?" she asked, feeling like a child.

"What is there to talk about Natalia?" Olivia answered icily.

"What we're going to do…?"

"What can I say? Rafe is upset, we waited too long…"

"It wasn't about the waiting, Olivia…"

"What was it about then?"

"The way he found out."

Olivia replayed their time together in her mind. She was breathing her deeply, she smelled like cinnamon and a dozen other scents that made Natalia practically a narcotic every time Olivia was close to her. She buried her face in the crook of her neck, wrapped in her arms and hidden by her hair invisible to the world. When she came up for air, Natalia's eyes held her still, taking her breath away all over again. She thought she'd die as Natalia told her everything she didn't know she was dying to hear and with a conviction that comes from someone who meant every single word, even if it took her forever to come up with them. "There was absolutely nothing out of line."

"He was on the yard. He saw how close we are…"

_I'm still not seeing the problem. _"And snapped when I was giving you a sip of champagne. I wasn't tonguing you down." _But I wanted to so badly._

"Olivia." Natalia began, her frustration building slowly. "Olivia he…he's afraid. He's angry. He doesn't understand what you mean to me, or what I mean to you." She sighed and sat on the top of the steps, looking up at Olivia who still hadn't budged. "He challenged my faith in God."

_Of COURSE he did._ "Natalia…" Olivia sighed. "He's going to challenge everything, he's scared and he's upset and we waited too long to say anything to him because we were too considerate of his feelings and…"

"Why would his feelings be irrelevant?" Natalia cut in.

"I didn't say they were irrelevant…but…you raised him a certain way, the way you were before you just said you were going to follow your heart on this." she gestured to herself with her left hand over her own heart. "I don't want to fight about this, or the way that it happened. What we have to think about now is where we go from here."

Natalia stared at the gravel, absently fidgeting with the hem of her shawl. "I want this. I want us." she said quietly, bringing her eyes up to meet Olivia's.

"And Rafe?"

"I…I can worry about Rafe. He's my son and he has to hear the truth from me."

Olivia studied Natalia's face quietly as she spoke, weighing her answer carefully. "I love you, Natalia. Nothing is going to change that. I meant that if we aren't an us and we're only friends who love each other to the ends of the earth than so be it. I don't want to lose you or make you do something you're going to regret later."

"I won't regret it. I don't regret it. How could I regret following my heart like this? He asked me if you had something on me."

"Something on you? Like what? A voodoo curse?"

Natalia nodded. "Like if you having Gus' heart had impacted the way I felt about you and it was just sympathy pangs…"

"What did you tell him?" Olivia suddenly found herself feeling strangely intrigued by the conversation she had with her son.

"That I love you because you make me want to be better." Natalia replied simply. "I told Rafe that I'm in love with you."

Olivia swayed in her place, her heart rate picking up.

"He's just scared and upset, Olivia. I raised him to respect The Bible and Church and I'm sure that while he was in prison that he relied a lot on those things to get him through the hardest part of his life." Natalia continued, oblivious to the color that had come into Olivia's face. "I tried talking to him and he just…he won't listen to me. I asked Frank to keep an eye on him until he's ready to talk to me. To us."

Olivia exhaled slowly and sat on the step just below Natalia, making sure to keep her distance from her. "Natalia." she resisted taking her hands in her own and held her hands in her lap. "I know this is the hard part. I told you it was going to get worse before it got better and I know that we both wanted this…"

"Wanted…"

"Want this. We wanted to be as close to you as I could get to you, even though I knew he just left and I knew that it was out in the open but…I was swept away with this…with having you _right there._" Her fingers burned to run through Natalia's hair, her body ached to just hold her and lie and say it was going to be okay, even if she feared that it wouldn't be. "We wanted to get swept up in the things that everyone else here has, for God's sake, I went to Cross Creek to visit Jeffery and Reva and that wasn't a picnic for me. They can live no questions asked and do whatever they want and you and me, this, this will always be under a microscope or be up for conversation or cause more problems…"

Natalia watched Olivia as she spoke, her eyes avoiding her as she tried to rationalize everything. "Are you backing out?" she whispered cutting off Olivia's tirade. "Do you want to leave?"

"No…I…"

"You what? Want to make it better or easier? Olivia, he doesn't get it and he thinks it's a phase. MY _teenage_ son thinks this;" she moved her hands between the two of them emphatically _"_is a weird itch that I need to scratch. I told him that I couldn't say that because it's not. This is not a _phase_ or a lapse in judgment, temporary insanity, body snatching, voodoo hexes or a dozen other excuses that people come up with when it comes to something like this. When it comes to _us _I know what it is_. _I know its right, I feel it. I love you, I need you."

Olivia was riveted to her seat, her jaw clenched as she tried to keep composure. Natalia's hand reached out and grabbed Olivia's left hand, clenching it and kissing her knuckles softly. "Don't back out on this…I don't think I'd be able to handle it." she whispered softly.

"I don't think I could either." Olivia breathed.

****

Jane had taken Emma to the movies when Olivia had gotten back home. She chucked her purse back on the table, tore off her jean jacket and tossed it on top of the purse. She flopped onto the bed and pulled the pillow close to her, balling it up into her face where she cried until she fell asleep.

Natalia busied herself in the kitchen, trying her best to not call Frank to find out of Rafe was with him but she was more than certain that he was and that pissed her off more than it had any business to. She squeezed her eyes tight, willing herself to not cry but feeling the tears winning the fight. She gripped the edge of the sink as a sob escaped her lips. The floodgates opened and Natalia began to cry.

Rafe felt a slow buzz building in the back of his head as he helped Frank move his furniture around. He bit back asking for a full bottle, figuring that he'd sneak one when Frank was asleep. He might even sneak two. He kept his face neutral as Frank gave him a tightlipped smile and a hearty pat on the shoulder. "If you want to talk about it, you know I'm here." he said, sounding more like a cop than a friend or father figure.

"Yeah thanks." _Like you understand what the hell is going on with my mother and Olivia._

*****

Olivia woke up to the sound of the keycard slipping into the lock. She scrambled to her feet and stumbled into the bathroom, closing it just as Jane opened the door. She turned the shower on full blast and stared at herself in the mirror. Her face was puffy from sleep and crying. She figured she might as well keep up the illusion, changed and climbed into the hotter than necessary shower.

Natalia washed her face in the kitchen sink, ignoring the solitary plate that had been her only witness to her breakdown. She took a paper towel and wiped at her eyes as she walked to the living room. She picked up her rosary, crossed to the couch and began to pray.

Olivia felt like a zombie. Between trying to be strong and explain to Emma that they would make plans to go to the farmhouse after Rafe had really settled down and trying to avoid telling her 'Mommy can't go to that house right now because your big brother hates her guts' Olivia felt she was owed an Oscar, an Emmy, a Daytime Emmy and a pat on the back. She tucked Emma into bed, read her a story and closed her bedroom door in record time as a thick teardrop slid down her cheek and plopped onto her t-shirt. "Does it stop?" she muttered to herself as she climbed into bed and pulled the blankets around her. She wiped at her eyes again with her hands like a child trying to stop the waterworks but all it did was make her eyes sting and the tears come down harder. She sighed and attempted to settle into the pillows when a gentle buzz on the nightstand ended her restless movement. Her eyes went wide. _I didn't open that box…_She exhaled when she saw it was her cell phone as it lay on its back, the screen flashing.

Natalia.

"Hi."

"I miss you." Natalia blurted out. She was in bed at the farmhouse, curled up under the covers, clutching the cell phone like a lifeline.

"I miss you too." Olivia replied, fresh tears spilling from her eyes. "It's going to be okay, you know that."

"No I don't."

_You're right. _"Yes you do. You kept saying it all day, he's just upset and he doesn't understand this. You sound like you've been crying…"

"Probably because I have. I wanted to go to mass but I couldn't do it, I was afraid that Father Ray and Rafe would be there and…I just couldn't do it. I just stayed home and tried not to call him or you. I was praying for strength and that wasn't working so well so I called you." Natalia blew her nose and cleared her throat. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be." Olivia imagined herself wrapping her arms around Natalia, holding her as tight as possible, kissing her forehead and telling her it would be okay. "That wasn't the best way to end what started out as great day."

"Funny."

"It's true…" Olivia offered, rolling onto her right side, the phone tucked underneath her head. "I ran over to see you…"

"Why were you running to see me?" Natalia brightened, turning off the light in her bedroom and listening to Olivia's voice.

_I bought a sex toy and if I can avoid using it I REALLY would like to._ "I missed you. Do I need a reason?" she felt the warmth radiating from Natalia's smile. "I just wanted to see you and I don't regret it. Well, maybe the Rafe incident, but you and I, alone, in a perfect moment…"

"It was perfect wasn't it?" Natalia sighed heavily. "Like we were in a bubble and the rest of the world didn't exist, just us. I really could've just sat there and stared at you forever."

"You're still beautiful."

Natalia blushed. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Just…work through the heartache? How do you stay dry when it rains?"

"I don't. I just look like I'm functioning well. I adapt." The corners of Olivia's mouth quirked as she spoke. "Everyday I wonder if this is just a dream, if I died at Cedars and you're with Gus…"

"Don't."

"You asked. I always get caught in the rain, Natalia. I just walk through the storm, I have to, I have reasons to get someplace dry and warm…I have a home somewhere that I'm trying to get to…I just try to hope for the best. Sometimes…like today…I forget that I made a deal to have more patience and understanding and I just want to chuck in the towel and leave. Then there are other days where I know that no matter how terrible it can be it could ALWAYS be much worse and that I have to appreciate what I have."

"So you're willing to stay."

"As long as you want me to, I'm not going anywhere." Olivia replied, hoping that she sounded as convincing as she felt at the moment. "I wouldn't leave you with this, even if it hurts."

"What hurts?"

"Everything. I can't be at the farmhouse okay? I'm serious about that this time. I promised I wouldn't spring up like I do and I'm going to keep to that because I know Rafe is going to want to come home and I don't want to ruin any chance you have with making a fresh start with him."

"So we're back to secret agent missions in the park?"

"For the meantime. Even though you make one sexy spy…"

"Flattery."

"Honesty."

Olivia heard Natalia shifting around on her end of the phone in bed. "Falling asleep?"

"Yes…I'm hoping to at least. I don't think I can stay up another hour crying or over-thinking everything."

"Natalia…"

"Mhm?"

"It doesn't always rain, sometimes it clears up and when it does, there are always flowers and the air smells better and everything is much cleaner."

"Like your car?"

"What?"

"Your car, it's kinda gross…"

"It's metaphor rain."

"Well, it actually needs to be cleaned so metaphor rain, actual rain, car wash…"

"You're _so_ clever." _Although, a car wash wouldn't be bad…_ "Maybe we can do that, take the car and go through the car wash."

"Mhm. Part of the secret agent mission?"

"Operation Bubbles. Let me know when you want to do that."

"Sure." Natalia mumbled sleepily as she yawned and pulled the phone closer to her and succumbed to sleep.

Olivia listened to her as her breath evened out. She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, the day's events replaying slowly again in her head. She heard a low rumble and the steady rainfall. She chuckled to herself as she shifted her position, still holding the phone to her ear, listening as Natalia slept on.

There was no such thing as a perfect time, Doris was right about that but there was such thing as perfect moments and if those were the only things she had to hold on to then she was more than happy to lock those things away in her heart forever. She bit her lip thoughtfully, sleep completely avoiding her as she worked out some of the advice she had been given in the last few days. Rafe was right to be angry, he was 19, his mother was all he knew and the time he spent away had changed his view of the world. Frank was right to be angry because he loved Natalia…Olivia forced them out of her mind. _This is NOT about them. This is about her. We're three entities fighting for space in her life and it's killing her to know that whatever choice she makes, it could end the other's lives. Frank could give her what she deserves but I'm what she _wants_ and the old me would've reveled in the win but God knows that if I knew that this was going to be harder than it sounded, I would've let Frank have her and she'd have the life she wants. _

_She still picks me._

_She still wants me._

_I want her. More than I ever wanted anything. I told Doris that in church…I told her. I showed her. _Olivia's left hand rubbed over the scar, as if dulling the pain from the outside would help alleviate the pain on the inside. _She said everything I wanted to hear from someone and it was exactly what I needed to know, what I need to feel. I don't deserve her or her love but she thinks I'm worth it and that has to be enough._ The rumble of thunder roused her from her troubling thoughts and she listened to it as the rain pattered hard on her windows. She could hear Natalia's breathing hadn't changed; she could sleep through anything apparently. _I wish I knew what that was like. Sleeping next to her in a bed, my bed or would it be our bed? Probably much more comfortable. I have to think of what to tell Emma, no jokes or lies, honest answers because we're going to have a tough time with Rafe now that he's so…tolerant to the situation. I need to calm down. I have to calm down. I'm going to snap._

"Olivia…" Natalia murmured into the phone.

"I'm here."

"Do you hear the rain?" Natalia asked, her voice ragged with sleep.

_She sounds so cute._ "Yeah I do."

"Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Thunder woke me up. I should go, Emma might want to climb in if the storm gets worse."

Natalia groggily looked out of her bedroom window. The rain came down steadily, tattooing a beat on the roof. "She's lucky." she said, blushing as the words left her lips. "Sweet dreams."

"Dream sweet."

They hung up but Olivia clung to the phone as she lay in bed, listening to the rain.

Rafe stretched out on the couch and stared out of the window as the rain came down. He took a deep swig from the stolen beer in his left hand, ready to stash it in the cushions if Frank came out in the middle of the night, his right hand fidgeting with his crucifix. He replayed his mother's words over and over again and felt agitation gnawing at his heart. It didn't make sense and what was worse was that it was wrong but she just didn't care, she was already in and it sounded like it was deep. He sighed heavily and took another deep swig of the beer before standing up and padding over to the kitchen. He quietly stashed the empty bottle in the recycling bin and returned to the couch, rubbing his stomach as he sat down. He rooted around in his bag for his mp3 player and headphones. He jammed the buds deep into his head and turned the volume up, hoping to drown out the sound of the rain and his thoughts.

Olivia chewed on a cookie as she channel surfed, determined to fall asleep courtesy of sugar coma or sheer exhaustion. Neither was happening. She opened Emma's door a crack and peered in. She hadn't been bothered at all by the rain apparently. She closed the door again and climbed back into bed. She reached for the phone again and tried to have some decency considering the late hour but her impulsive nature got the better of her and she hit speed dial.

"Mhphm"

"I didn't mean to wake you…"

"Uh you didnn" came the muffled reply.

"Just making sure." Olivia said as she pulled the blankets over her and nestled into her pillows. Maybe after the rain, tomorrow would be better.


	4. Close Your Eyes

Close Your Eyes

Olivia plans a picnic. I don't own them, P&G do. Thanks for the love.

Title from Young Love's "Close Your Eyes"

Natalia had just finished the last load of laundry for the evening and was getting ready to head to bed early when she heard the sound of a car making its way up the driveway. Living alone at the farmhouse was starting to freak her out but she was determined to stick it out. Rafe would be coming home soon but she missed Olivia and Emma in the house plus the added comfort of Olivia's locked up 9mm. she crossed to the window and peered out through the curtain to see Olivia's car sitting in the driveway, lights off while she moved around in the driver's seat.

Olivia saw the curtain shift to the left and Natalia's face appear in the space. Most of the lights were on in the house and she could tell by her expression that Natalia was a little taken off guard by her sudden appearance. Olivia silently cursed her misstep in not calling ahead but really wanted the element of surprise so she just went with her gut. She mentally chastised herself as she pulled the basket into her lap before stepping out of the car.

Natalia opened the door and wrapped her black trench sweater around her waist, her arms folding across her torso as a smile brightened her face. She stood in the doorway, the light from the living room spilling onto the porch floor. "Hey you" she greeted, all trace of nerves disappearing. Olivia smiled as she closed her door and attempted to hide the basket behind her back.

"Hey yourself." she replied, walking over to the front steps. "Sorry I didn't call, I wanted to surprise you."

"Well, consider me surprised." Natalia replied, stepping back to let Olivia into the house. She spied the big basket behind Olivia's back. "What's that?" she stood on her tiptoes trying to look over Olivia's shoulder.

"The surprise, now stop looking." Olivia replied, using her body to shield the basket as she entered the living room.

"Oh. I thought you were the surprise" Natalia replied, with a lopsided grin. She looked back out to the car, disappointment robbing her face of that grin. "Where's Emma?"

"With Rebecca at a big sleepover." Olivia answered, stashing the basket before turning towards Natalia. "Why? I thought you were glad with just little ol me."

"I am…" Natalia replied sheepishly stepping forward and pulling Olivia into a hug. They stood there for a moment, Natalia's arms wrapped around Olivia's neck while Olivia's arms were wrapped around Natalia's waist. Natalia's eyes closed for a moment, relishing the contact as she felt Olivia's left hand move up her back and her fingers weave through her hair. She blushed as she felt Olivia sigh heavily before letting her go. She felt the same way. "So what's with the surprise?"

"Well. I just thought that we could go out and have dinner."

"Dinner? Isn't Towers closed now?" Natalia looked at her watch.

"It is…I was thinking a picnic." Olivia said with a casual shrug, the corners of her lips tugged into an innocent smile.

"A picnic. At this time of night?" Natalia replied, her eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Aren't there bats out now?"

"There could be. What? Don't think I could protect you?" Olivia joked, her hands sliding into the pockets of her jeans. Natalia watched those fingers disappear into the pockets of the snug denim.

"I know you could…it's just…where would we go?" Natalia sat on the edge of the couch, folding her hands in her lap and studying Olivia. "It's late."

"It's a surprise. Trust me. You're gonna love it." Olivia replied, a smile creeping across her features. "It involves the basket, if that'll get you to go with me right now."

Natalia's eyes lit up. "Okay. I'm in." Natalia stood up eagerly. "But you'd better protect me from those bats."

"I'll guard you with my life." Olivia held up her right hand in a Scouts honor salute. "Let's go."

Natalia settled into the passenger seat and watched as Olivia crossed in front of the car, trying to pinpoint where it was she was intending to take her. She made a mental list of possible places they could be going at such a late hour. _Towers was closed but that didn't mean that she didn't have pull and couldn't arrange something for the two of them. She wouldn't have come all the way over here to bring her back to the apartment at The Beacon. _She watched Olivia climb into the driver's seat and blushed in the moonlight at the smile Olivia gave her. "So do I get a hint?"

"No." Olivia's hand disappeared into the pocket of her jacket before reappearing with something silk in her fingers. "Put this on though." She held up the fabric to Natalia.

"What is it?"

"Blindfold. C'mon put it on." Olivia said. "I'm not starting this car until you put it on."

Natalia gave Olivia an incredulous look. "Really?"

"Really." Olivia said, her face the picture of seriousness. She watched as Natalia slipped the silk over her eyes and waved her hand in front of her shielded eyes making sure that Natalia couldn't see anything. She started the car and put it in drive, moving backwards on the driveway before putting the car in drive and driving down the road towards the main drag that lead back into the middle of town. She drove along the paved road before making a turn to head back towards the farmhouse hoping that the aimless driving would throw Natalia off the scent. She turned back onto the road that lead back to the farmhouse, opting to stay off of the gravel as much as possible and heading towards the back of the farmhouse towards the small duck pond that was there. She took occasional glances at Natalia whose body had stiffened up slightly against the back of her seat, her hands holding the sides of her seat tight, knuckles white. She reached over and took Natalia's left hand as it gripped the compartment box. Her grip loosened and melted in Olivia's grasp and the stiffness that had overtaken her body seemed to liquefy. She felt a small tremor from deep inside Natalia travel through her arm, pass through her fingers and travel into Olivia, making her own body tingle. She exhaled slowly, hoping that her plan was going to work.

The moon hung big and bright in the inky black sky complimented by a brilliant display of glittering stars. The celestial display was going to serve as the backdrop for Olivia's late night dinner picnic and she couldn't have asked for a more perfect evening. She tried to calm her racing heart. She turned the car in a complete u-turn and backed the car up to just the right spot. _It's nothing, just a nice little late night picnic…no worries._ She stopped the car and let it idle, feeling Natalia's hand tense in hers. She tried to resist the urge to scare her senseless. "Okay. We're here." she said, unbuckling her seatbelt. "Keep the blindfold on." she said reaching across her body and unbuckling Natalia's seatbelt.

"Olivia…" Natalia breathed.

"Natalia. It's okay, I'm right here. Just, keep it on, okay? Just a few more minutes." she urged and slid out of the car. She ran around to the trunk and popped it open. She pulled out a large blanket, unfolded it and left it on the grass before running to the passenger side door and opening it. She took Natalia's right hand and helped her out of the car. Natalia stood awkwardly for a moment with Olivia, her left hand on the roof of the car. "Walk with me, okay?" Olivia gently urged, looping her right arm around Natalia's waist and guiding her to the back of the car. "Talk about role reversal huh? Remember when you used to have to do this with me after the surgery?" she joked as they clumsily made their way to the back of the car.

"Funny." Natalia replied, her brows knit together with concentration. "What are you up to?"

"I told you, surprise. Just stand right there." Olivia said, fixing the blanket and guiding Natalia to the center of it. "Okay. Sit." she helped Natalia sit on the grass before opening the back door and pulling out the basket. She pulled out a few lanterns from the trunk and switched them on, hanging them from a few of the spikes that she jammed into the grass. She lit citronella candles and placed them a few yards around their blanket. She opened the basket and pulled out a bottle of wine, sandwiches, cheese and fruit. She double checked everything and knelt behind Natalia, undoing the knot she made with the silk. "Surprise." she whispered into Natalia's ear.

Natalia's jaw dropped. She took in the sight the small spread before her, shaking her head in disbelief. She looked around as Olivia hoped that she didn't recognize the surroundings. She stared up at the moon and was speechless.

"How's that for a surprise?" Olivia asked, moving on to the blanket and opening up still chill bottle of red wine.

"Olivia. This is incredible. Thank you."

Olivia shrugged as she poured the wine into plastic stemware. She handed Natalia one, licking the tips of her right fingers before she poured her own glass with her left. "It's what I do."

Natalia held the glass delicately in her fingers and watched as Olivia held her own glass out towards her in a toast. "To surprises."

"Surprises." They tapped their glasses together and took generous sips, the wine instantly hitting their systems simultaneously. "This is amazing…" Natalia said, grabbing a sandwich. "Did you make these?"

"Yep. Believe it or not, I can actually cook." she quipped as she watched Natalia take a huge bite out of the roast beef sandwich. Her eyes rolled back in delight. "This is incredible. You're gonnahavta cook more often." she said with a mouthful of meat and bread.

"That's attractive, your mouth all open and stuff, real sexy."

"Shut up." Natalia chuckled and reached for a napkin.

They sat in silence, thoughtfully chewing and drinking. Natalia looked up at the sky again and shivered as she finished the last bite of her sandwich. "It's beautiful out."

"Mhm." Olivia replied, watching Natalia as she leaned back on her palms and gazed up at the stars dreamily. The moonlight danced on her cheeks and shone through her hair, bathing her in a white light. Olivia took another gulp from her glass and moved closer to Natalia. "Gorgeous." she breathed as she looked up at stars.

Natalia looked over at Olivia and studied the way the moon lit up her features. She seemed to glow brighter than the moonlight, the brilliance coming from beneath her skin. "Is this what it's like in your world?"

Olivia smiled and looked at Natalia curiously. "My world?"

"Yeah, where you grew up…and the place you go sometimes when you don't want to deal with the things going on in the world."

"Yes."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"The times Frank surprised me with dinner…" Natalia immediately regretted asking it as she saw Olivia's demeanor completely change. "Was that you?"

Olivia studied the tip of her boot intently, weighing the pros and cons answering the question. "Yes it was."

Natalia nodded slowly, biting her bottom lip and watching Olivia avoid making eye contact. "I'm sorry for asking."

"It's okay, you're entitled to know these things." Olivia poured another glass of wine for herself. "I just thought of the things you'd like and how much it would mean if it came from Frank." she took a sip and sighed, her eyes locked onto the tip of her boot.

"It was nice." Natalia offered with a shrug. "I knew it wasn't all his handiwork though."

"Really? What was the tip off?"

"He was genuinely surprised when I told him I love Buzz Burgers with extra onions. Among other things. You, Emma and Rafe are the only people who know that I love sloppy meals."

Olivia nodded, her lips pursed as her eyes moved from her boot tip to the dark tree line, watching the moonlight filter through the heavy spring leaves. "I know a lot about you, Natalia."

"I know you do." Natalia studied the grim line that had cut across Olivia's face. She was missing her smile and her warmth more and more. "I know a lot about you too, you know."

"Like what?"

"You have a big heart."

"I have Gus' heart."

"It's _your_ heart." Natalia replied emphatically. "It's big and it's full of love and it's probably one of the best things about you. I know you fight for everything and you fight with that heart more than anything else." Olivia took her eyes away from the woods to look at Natalia. "And it would've meant more if you just did them yourself. Like now. This means alot to me."

"I'm glad you like it." Olivia said, the ice sliding from her tone.

"So cheer up."

"I'm fine."

Natalia bumped Olivia with her shoulder. "You got upset with me for mentioning Frank."

"No I didn't. Let's not talk about it. I want to celebrate."

"What're we celebrating?"

"Everything. You. Me. Rafe coming home. Life is good right now."

"It's great." Natalia agreed, taking a piece of fruit and popping it into her mouth. "I don't want to jinx it but it feels perfect."

"It does."

They studied each other intently, taking in every detail of the other's face. Natalia shivered as she watched Olivia's green eyes darken as they slid across her lips. Her own eyes drank in the sight of Olivia's lips as they seemed to deepen in color, the tip of her tongue moistening her bottom lip. She felt her body temperature rise despite the chill and she exhaled slowly as Olivia extended her right hand to tuck a strand of loose hair behind her ear, fingertips brushing Natalia's cheek. They sat on the blanket, their faces inches apart, breathing in each other's scent deep, filling their lungs and holding it. Olivia felt unsteady but it was more from the way Natalia looked in the moonlight, bathed in perfect white light than the wine.

She wanted to kiss her and Olivia knew that Natalia wanted her to.

Natalia saw conflict in Olivia's eyes, even in the dim light from the candles and lanterns. She was fighting something that they both wanted to do and it seemed she was losing miserably. She shivered and moved to wrap her arms around herself to keep warm. It was more the fact that she felt her nerves screaming for her to just give in to the impulse that was bubbling between them.

She wanted to kiss her and Natalia knew that Olivia wanted her to.

Olivia slid her jacket off and draped it around Natalia's shoulders, her hands sliding down the length of Natalia's arms to her hands. She took hold of Natalia's hands and held them between her own palms. Raising them to her lips, she blew warm air into the cradle she made, rubbing her palms against the back of Natalia's chilled hands. "Maybe I should get you back home…" she said, rubbing her hands against Natalia's to build up the warmth.

"I'm fine." Natalia replied, relishing the warmth passing between them.

"It's late…ter…than I thought it was…" Olivia said, busily warming Natalia's hands. Her lips pressed against Natalia's hands, a blast of warm air hitting her palms.

_It feels like she keeps kissing me over and over again._ She shivered again at the thought and moved closer to Olivia. "We'll leave when I see a bat."

"Nobody wants to see bats."

"You're the one who says this time of night is perfect and you also promised to protect me from the bats."

"I did."

"So when I see one, we can go."

"You're gonna hightail it out of here, aren't you." Olivia deadpanned.

"Maybe, try and keep up."

"I'll run circles around you, hell, I _have_ run circles around you."

"Some of us aren't as athletically inclined as others." Natalia teased, her eyebrow arched playfully.

"I told you city mouse, you have to come to the country with me more often." Olivia teased back.

"You're the one who lives in a Penthouse suite."

"Not by choice. You know I wasn't completely sold on living out here until I met you."

"I know." Natalia blushed again as she moved closer to Olivia, tucking her legs beneath her. "I'm glad you came to live here."

"I'm grateful that you let me." Olivia replied, moving closer to Natalia. She sat on her hip, legs jutting out at an angle bent at the knees.

"I don't know who I'd be if I hadn't had that time with you and Emma…I might be a different person."

"I know I'm a different person."

"OH yeah, definite 180 from when we first met."

"I know I wasn't the most pleasant thing…"

"I think a blood thirsty dog was more fun than you."

"Ouch."

"I'm telling you the truth. I was so intimidated by you. You were so mean and cold. I wondered how anyone could have loved you…"

"Double ow." Olivia feigned an arrow going through her heart. "And now?"

"And now you're such a softie. And I can't imagine anyone loving you more than I do."

Olivia blushed as Natalia's head cocked to the side, her deep brown eyes taking in the sight of a completely dismantled Olivia Spencer as they sat inches apart from each other on a blanket in the grass under a full moon. Olivia brushed her knuckles of her right hand gently against Natalia's cheek, her eyelids fluttering at the contact as she marveled at the softness of her skin. Natalia tilted her head against Olivia's knuckles, her lips grazing them, eyes holding Olivia's gaze intently. She felt herself being drawn into Olivia's gravitational pull, her eyes shifting from the fullness of Olivia's lips and the growing hunger in her green eyes. Olivia felt Natalia's body coming closer and closer, shockwaves rattling through her body as she moistened her lips, anticipating their collision against Natalia's own. Her hand settled against Natalia's neck and felt her pulse quicken. Her own pulse picked up and together they moved closer, their hearts pounding as one, lips inching closer until they were heartbeats away.

Natalia's eyes were nearly closed, her heart and mind hoping she wouldn't miss her target. She knew she was close, she could feel Olivia's breath warm her face. She smelled sweet. She moved her hand to cup Olivia's cheek, marveling at how soft she was despite the tough girl image. She licked her lips, hoping that she was ready for a real kiss for once in her life instead of being ambushed by people and their kisses. She shivered as she felt Olivia's body coming closer to her, her lips a heartbeat away.

Natalia's head jerked back suddenly, eyes wide. "Was that a bat!?" she shrieked as she looked around in fear.

"It's a chainsaw wielding homicidal maniac…" Olivia groaned, her head dropped in defeat. "I didn't hear anything."

"I heard the little echo thing they do…" Natalia whined, visibly grossed out at the prospect of a bat being wedged in her hair.

Olivia bit her bottom lip hard before exhaling and reaching for the remains of her glass of wine. She downed it in one gulp and chuckled to herself. "Missed it by _that_ much." she mumbled as she stood to pack up the late night picnic. Natalia was at her side, helping pick up the bits and pieces and keeping her head low.

"Y'know they're more scared of us that we are of them…" Olivia joked, bumping Natalia with her hip.

"That only works with mice and even that's not all that helpful." Natalia replied, bumping Olivia back.

"I think it works with bats. C'mon, lets go find it." Olivia joked, wiping her hands on her jeans and reaching for Natalia's hand.

"Noooo thank you." Natalia replied, taking Olivia's hand and holding her in place. "Besides, I don't think you could protect me from bears if we leave this food out here."

"Well no…but…you know I'd protect you from anything. Bats, bears…" Olivia pantomimed flexing and sneered. "They're all goin down. Whatcha gonna do when Spencer-mania goes wild on you?!"

"You're so weird. I had no idea you could be _this_ weird." Natalia said as she picked up a lantern and held it up over Olivia's shoulder to brighten up her packing.

"It's all part of my charm. There are many fascinating sides to me, Natalia, you'll come to love them all."

"Well. I already _do_ kinda like one…" Natalia said, a smile brightening up her face, her dimples embedding themselves in her cheeks.

"Yeah?" Olivia asked, watching as Natalia packed the trunk with the lanterns. "That works for me." she flashed a grin.

They packed up the picnic in no time and were sitting in the dark car, listening to the sound of a nearby creek, the occasional owl hoot and bat sound. Natalia sat quietly in her seat, legs tucked into her body as she waited for Olivia to start the car. "I had a nice time, Olivia." she said, watching as a blush crept along Olivia's skin.

"I'm glad." she replied, leaving the key in the ignition and leaning into her seat. "I wanted to show you how special you are…you know, while we still have some time to ourselves…"

"About that…"

"It's fine, Natalia. I understand. I just wanted to tell you that I'm here, whenever you want me or need me. I'm always going to be here. It's what friends do." Olivia tacked on the last part because she couldn't find the words to describe whatever it was that they were experiencing and whatever it was they were to each other. "You mean the world to me."

Natalia bit her lower lip, weighing her words cautiously. "You mean everything to me too." she said with a shy smile.

"As long as it's even." Olivia smiled, reaching for Natalia's hand and holding it tightly in hers. "Gotta get you home, we've got work in the morning and you have to get the house ready."

"I know…" Natalia said, her smile widening as Olivia started the car. She turned the headlights on and Natalia's eyes bugged. "Is that a house?"

"Uhh, yeah…"

"Were we on someone's property?!"

"Not technically…"

"Olivia."

"What? I couldn't think of a place to take you so I just kinda…"

"Kinda what?"

"Just…close your eyes."

Natalia folded her arms across her chest as she cut Olivia a look.

"Fine." Olivia said as she put the car in drive. "It's gonna ruin the surprise though." She slowly eased the car around the left side of the farmhouse, pulling into the spot where the night had started. Natalia made a face and her cheeks reddened in embarrassment. "See."

"You had the picnic in the backyard of the farmhouse."

"Yeah."

"That's sweet."

"I try…" Olivia mumbled as Natalia pulled her into a hug. "I figured we couldn't go far and…"

"Shh." Natalia answered, her head resting on Olivia's shoulder.

"Let me walk you to your door…" Olivia said, breaking off the hug.

Natalia stood in the doorway of the farmhouse, the lights washing across the front porch floor as Olivia stood with her hands jammed into her jean pockets, the short sleeves of her dark red shirt exposing her goose bumped arms. She realized that she was still wearing her jacket. She made a move to slide out of it but Olivia's hands caught her mid-action. She felt an electric current run through her body as Olivia pulled the jacket back over her shoulders. "Hang on to it for me." she said with a lopsided smile. "Looks cute on you."

Natalia blushed and she felt a flashback to high school, when Gus had given her his jacket. She felt herself jolt back when she realized that the woman standing in front of her wasn't going to be like Gus; she was going to stay around, no matter what happened. She often wondered if Olivia's change had something to do with Gus' heart, if his goodness and love for her was still somewhere in the chambers of the organ affecting Olivia in some supernatural way. She knew better because when she looked at Olivia, she felt that it was _Olivia_ that was looking at her with love and not Gus; Gus might have brought it out of her but she was responsible for keeping it here, with her. She let Olivia pull her into a tight embrace, her arms locking around her. She rested her head against Olivia's shoulder, her own arms wrapped around Olivia's waist. She sighed softly, breathing in the mixture of perfume, leather and the red wine. "Are you going to be okay to drive?" she asked, her voice muffled slightly in Olivia's shoulder.

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Sure?" Natalia prodded, leaning back in Olivia's arms to give her a once over. "No coffee…?"

"That's going to keep me up. I'll be fine. I'll call you as soon as I get in." Olivia reluctantly let go of Natalia, her hands immediately slipping back into the pockets of her jeans. She stepped back over the threshold, a small smile dancing across her lips. "Sweet dreams."

"Dream sweet." Natalia replied. "Make sure you call me, no excuses."

"None. On my honor." Olivia replied with a wink. "Lock up okay."

"Will do." She watched Olivia head back to the car, start it, wave from the seat and drive off into the darkness. Natalia locked up the doors and turned out the living room lights before heading upstairs. She stood in her bedroom, still clad in Olivia's jacket and held the lapel up to her nose, inhaling deeply and closing her eyes.


End file.
